I’ve always disliked working a regular job, being isolated from the outside world in the confines of a building, set to do a simple, repetitive task. It makes me feel trapped, like the caged animal that I am, yearning to be set free. My body needs stimulation, new sights, sounds, and experiences. It needs adventure. I need adventure. Jobs that deal in the outdoors help, but don’t fully placate my itchy feet. Even as I sell tents, hiking packs, and men’s outdoor clothing to not so adventurous customers, I feel like I am watching the world through another’s eyes.
The painted smile, kind and charming, isn’t mine, nor is the slightly pitched and cheerful sound of my voice. Inside, the beast is raging itself into a depression, chained by the pit it has fallen into. Trapped by bills, others expectations, and need to save for college, the pit grows deeper and deeper, throwing dirt upon the adventurer inside of me, trying to smother him. I can’t let that happen, I can’t let who I am be suffocated by the expectations of The Man.
None of us should.
As I sweep floors and sell merchandise, I dream of better days, gunning along new roads in my car, Mad Max, and experiencing new things. As I’ve worked the past year, I make sure the beast inside has enough fuel to keep alive another day, even if he comes close to starving. He needs to feed again, he needs a feast. So, I go on hikes, and explore deep into the lands around me, on the hunt for beauty, in all of its forms. I walk, climb, paddle, and swim my way into new worlds, just to experience them in their fullest. It is what I need to keep alive, to keep moving forward, to keep one step ahead of the weight of chains that bind my physical form.
As I work, as I pay bills, as I plan for a future I feel obligated to wear like a suit, I plan my travels with a fiery passion and enthusiasm that yearns to be heard. There are too many places to go and things to do, that I get caught up in the wonder of it all. Summer peak bagging in Wyoming’s Cloud Peak Wilderness, snorkeling in the Caribbean, experiencing the history and fascinating architecture of Medieval Europe. There is just too much for a young, poor, bound man like myself to do.
And still I dream, and still I plan my travels, because we can never give in to that dull, lifeless being that is inside of us, willing to just let the days roll into meaningless repetition. We are who we are, and that beast, that adventurer, needs to be allowed to feel the sunshine on their face, the wind brushing the hair back from their face. We all have dreams, we all have desires, never let them go unsought into the dusty, forgotten rooms that are tucked in the corners of our mind. Breath deep, and let go once in a while. Find time to do the things that you love, continue to plan, strive towards those wonders with every fiber of your being.
If you fight for it, those dreams of adventures can solidify into a living, breathing entity, and that beast can be fed, the adventurer can be set free. As I work and save, I dream of days spent on a mountain, or a beach, watching the pastel colors of the day drip down the canvas of the sky, and give birth to millions of brilliant stars. Soon, I will be there, you can just never stop dreaming until that moment becomes your reality……..
A narcissist with a death wish
On skid row asking for a last kiss
Just a vagabond I’m careless
Let’s toss the dice, and roll this
My feet won’t stop, we know this
Load the gun, and I won’t miss
Slip away in the night, no one will notice.